34--TV FICTION CLASSICS "SANDY THOMAS

not all boys have the mindset to grow up into men. I suddenly found the softness and femininity Rosemount was molding around me to be very comforting and natural. Sure, I can still be a boy when I want. But I plan to leave here in two years able to present myself totally as a actress whenever I want. That is what acting is all about, as a boy, I respond and think as a boy, as a girl, I'll respond and think like a girl." I was speechless. What Michael had said had shaken me. I remembered my mother's tears when I said I wasn't going to Rosemount. I remembered my feeble attempts to be a 'tough' guy at my old school. I even understood some confusing thoughts I used to have when I watched girls enjoying themselves without the constant competition that we boys had to live with. I realized that I loved going to the girls' school, not because I liked being amongst the pretty girls, but because I wanted to BE one of those pretty girls! I wanted to be the prettiest, most feminine girl at that dance!

It was my turn to open up. "Michael...I mean Michelle," I said, noticing the smile that this brought to his face, "I believe everything you said, and I believe that I'm in the same situation. . .that is, I don't think I want to leave here a woman...at least not at this time, but I think that being a girl makes me very happy and natural feeling." Quietly, Michelle stood up and walked over to me. He sat beside me on the couch and put his arms around me. Without another thought, I put my arms around him and we hugged tightly. Not as boy and girl, but as two very close girlfriends.

I finally saw what our relationship was going to be...we would become very close girlfriends. As close as any two girls could be because we shared a common, most unusual secret.

That night we stayed up late and talked. I confessed my early feelings of attraction to 'Michelle', and how confused I had been. Michelle joked that he was glad that I had resolved that because he thought of me as a girlfriend. We made a promise that night to always keep in touch, even after school no matter what gender orientation either of us might adopt in the future.

I finally asked one last big question, "Michelle, you told me there would be time for such questions a while ago. I think this may be a good time."

"Sure, what is it, Cathy?"

"Why do most of the tresses, including you, have girl's breasts?" "Oh, boy...," he sighed rolling his eyes back. "I'll probably get into trouble for this big trouble but I'd rather you found out from me than someone else." He paused and took a deep breath. "After the first month here, the school doctor gives tresses some injections and pills. What they don't tell you is that they contain powerful doses of estrogen, which is a female hormone. Female hormones, when applied

ACTING LIKE A GIRL -35

in the correct manner to young boy's bodies will cause breasts to grow, facial hair to stop growing, head hair to get thicker and silkier, voices to stay higher, and body shapes to become more like a girl's.'

"You're kidding!" I gasped, not comprehending the obvious. "And you mean you let them do it to you?"

"Cathy, darling...they've already done it to you too."

I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes. Injections, pills, sensitive swollen nipples. "You mean that those shots. . . and those vitamins....

"Were not flu shots, and they aren't vitamins," he said finishing my thought.

I started to cry. Michelle held me close and whispered, "Come on, Ken, didn't we just talk about how natural we felt dressed like females. I guarantee you, the first time you find that you actually NEED a bra, you will feel more wonderful than you ever have before. The school does extensive psychological testing on their prospective students and their parents before accepting them.

"Need a bra? Oh no." I was sobbing, it had to be from the hormones because I hadn't cried since I was a kid. "I don't want a girl's body! Wait until my mother finds out."

"Your mother was fully counselled in these matters before she agreed to them," he said. "You could make her happier than she's ever been if you tell her you know and that you're glad that it's happening. I remember when your mom was here that first day, and I can tell you, tresses tend to develop the way their mothers did. Unless your mother was wearing a padded bra, I'd say you're going to be some shapely 'boy' when you graduate here. That is why it's important you learn all about being a girl."

I thought of a few of the senior tresses. Their girlish postures, gestures and walk appeared to be indelibly etched on their psyche, not to mention their voluptuous soft figures. Few if any of the senior tresses made presentable 'boys' anymore. In boy's clothes, they appeared out of place, like butterflies trying to be caterpillars. But why hadn't I been given a choice?

"I don't know if I want to be a woman. If I grow breasts, I can't go back." I sobbed, totally confused.

"Nonsense...if worse comes to worse, they could put you on male hormones to speed up the reverse process, and a simple operation could have your chest as masculine as ever. Believe me, the doctor was planning to explain all this in about six months, which is when some tresses begin to panic about the remarkable growth of their breasts. That's not all, by summer break almost all the new student's body shapes have changed so much that wearing a boy's swimsuits are out. By that time all have figured out something is wrong."

"They must go crazy at the news. I bet some run away."